(Dialogue from "Female Trouble," between Edith Massey and Michael Potter)

Aunt Ida Nelson: "Have you met any nice boys in The Swan?"
Gator: "Oh, pretty nice"
Aunt Ida: "I mean any nice queer boys Did you fool with any of them?
Gator: "Aunt Ida, you know I dig women"
Aunt Ida: "Aw, don't tell me that"
Gator: "Christ, let's not go through this again"
Aunt Ida: "All those beauticans, and you don't have any boy dates?"
Gator: "I don't want any boy dates"
Aunt Ida: "Oh honey, I'd be so happy if you turned nally"
Gator: "Hey, no way I'm straight I mean I like a lot of queers, but I don't dig their equipment, y'know? I like women"
Aunt Ida: "But you can change Queers are just better I'd be so proud if you was a fag, and had a nice beautician boyfriend I'd never have to worry"
Gator: "There ain't nothing to worry about"
Aunt Ida: "I'm worried that you'll work in an office, get married, have children, celebrate wedding anniversaries The world of heterosexuals is a sick and boring life"
Gator: "Sometimes I think you're fucking crazy I'm real happy just the way I am"

People are telling me that I'm missing out on the fun
' Cause I don't go anywhere, and I don't meet anyone
But I know how rumors fly
When you're a lonely guy
And I'm here to tell you it's a lie
There's stange things going on at night most everywhere
You know those places, well you'll never see me there
I walk by other men
And I don't notice them
But then those rumors start again
So I'm gonna tell the world
I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual
I'm gonna find a girl
'Cause I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual
I guess that it's okay
If other guys are gay
But my hormones are one-directional
And I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual
Somebody tell me what I did to start this talk
Is it the way I look? Is it the way I walk?
Is it the clothes I wear,
That make the people stare?
Is it the way I comb my hair?
I'm only hoping maybe there will come a day
When I can make them understand that I'm not gay
But 'till that day is near,
Iguess I'll live in fear
And I curse the day I pierce my ear

There's nothing wrong with me
I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual
Know what I want to be
And I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual
Soft boys and closet queens,
Think Judy Garland's keen
But I don't think she's nothing special
And I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual
(instrumental break)

So now I'm wondering if maybe they're not right
'Cause I've gone all paranoid and I can't sleep at night
I went to see the shrink
What did the doctor think?
I swear to god I saw him wink
I pray to God I'm wrong
I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual
Why did I write this song
If I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual?
I hope it's not too late,
For them to set me straight
I've got to see a real professional
'Cause I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual, no!
No no no no No no no no no no no

I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be
I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual
(repaeated in background)
I don't wanna go with guys named Shamus
I don't wanna be rich and famous
I don't wanna go to a French art festival
And I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual