Now you say you ain't never met my wife, you ain't never seen her befo,'
Say you ain't been hangin' roun' my crib; well here's somethin' I wanna know…
I wanna know what in the worl' is goin' down,
How come my dog don't bark when you come around?
I got the baddest dog, he'll bite anybody
He bit my little brother, took a chunk out of my ol' sweet li'l mother
He bit the mailman – he sees him every day; he takes one look at you, he wanna jump up and play
Now I ain't got a clue as to what you puttin' down, but
How come my dog don't bark when you come around?
My dog's dangerous; tried to set people straight;
I even bought a “BAD DOG” sign an' hung it on the gate
Here you come trippin' up ‘bout a quarter of nine
Fulla dat Night Train wine, tryin' to slide past the sign…
My dog been noddin' off, ain't payin' you no mind
That's my dog, when I come home he don't sleep THAT sound!
How come my dog don't bark when you come around?
I still don't like it, I don't dig it one damn bit,
The way you an' my dog's so tight, somethin' don't fit!
I slipped through the alley, I called my dog,
Said, “get off your rusty duster, move a little faster to your ol' master, you old cayute, you”
He took one look at me, an' he growled an' he ran straight to you
Now somebody's been confusin' my po' hound
An I wanna know what's goin' down
How come my dog don't bark when you come around?
(Clarinet Solo)
Maybe I better call up Jacoby & Myers, an' you can take the fifth, amendment, that is
You better stand up fo' your rights, ‘cause you might not be standin' too long
I'm gonna stop all this confusion I'm gon' fire that hound, shoot that dog down
Then I'm gonna get busy mutilatin, strangulatin' operatin', an' crematin' my Ol' Lady down at the cremation station
Then I'm gonna torch that, too, and come right on after you!
You can give you heart an' soul to charity; all the rest gonna belong to me
I'm goin' straight down to dat barber supply shop, get me a pearl handle, double edge, hollow ground, super blue blade, adjustable, stainless steel, honed edge, both blades on the same side so when I cut you once, you gonna bleed twice, goin' an' comin' An' if you don' believe me, shake yo' head; it'll be singin' “I ain't got no body”
‘Cause one night I did a little FBI Double-O-Seven-type investigatin' You an' my Ol' Lady thought I was gone, but I wasn't gone Dat's why I have to separate you from your ground An the only soun' you gonna hear when you six feet in the ground:
How come my dog didn't bark when you came around?