Your birthday is coming
Don't worry, I'm aware
I've been trying to find you something
Just to show how much I care
But I just couldn't tell
'Til I bought that Mademoiselle
Now I know just what I'm gonna do
Now I'm shavin' off my muff for you

‘'cause lately when you love me
You've seemed a little cross
And then after, when you're brushing
You refuse the dental floss
Even when it was mint
But I can take a hint
Now the only question's one blade or two
When I'm shavin' off my muff for you

My friends keep axin' "girl, haven't you tried waxin'?"
“Or that depilatory cream”
My ex-friend Katie lent me her Epilady
And I found out how loud I could screeeeeeeemmmm

Now there's gonna be stubble
But darlin', duty calls
So get down there on the double
If you want to keep your balls
‘'cause I scraped and I scratched
Even had to pluck a patch
'cause even my Mach Three wouldn't do
When I'm shavin' off my muff
Shavin' off my muff
Shavin off my muff for you

("Self Bootleg" BONUS VERSE)
No other woman is gonna shave as close
Now my little box of funk
Looks like a Buddhist Monk
And not like no Chasidic Jew
Now that I'm shavin off my muff
Shavin' off my muff
Shavin off my muff for you