There was a man
A little ole man
Who lived in Montreal
With a wife and a kid
And a car and a house
And a teenage daughter
With a see-thru blouse
Who loved to grunt and ball - -
And her name was Magdalena

The little ole man
Came home one night
To his house in Montreal
He caught his daughter
In the blouse by the light
And he said to himself:
"She looks all right!"
And he reached for a tit
And grabbed it tight
And threw her up
Against the wall
(BLUE CROSS!)

Magdalena, my daughter dear,
Do not be concerned when your
Canadian daddy comes near
My daughter dear
Do not be concerned when your
Canadian daddy comes near
I work so hard,
Don't you understand,
Making maple syrup
For the pancakes of our land
Do you have any idea
What that can do to a man
What that can do to a man?
Do you have any idea
What that can do to a man
What that can do to a man?

The little ole man
With the grubby little hand
Who lived in Montreal
Was drooling a bit
As he reached for her tit
And he said to himself:
"This gonna be it!"
But the girl turned around
And said: "Go eat shit!"
And ran on down the hall
Right on, Magdalena!

My daughter dear,
Do not be concerned when your
Canadian daddy comes near
My daughter dear
Do not be concerned when your
Canadian daddy comes near
I work so hard,
Don't you understand,
Making maple syrup
For the pancakes of our land
Do you have any idea?
What that can do to a man
What that can do to a man?
Do you have any idea?
What that can do to a man
What that can do to a man?

Magdalena, don't you tease me like this
Right in the hallway with your blouse and your tits
If your mommy ever finds us like this
She'll call a lawyer, oh how mom will be pissed

DOODLE DOODLE DOODLE DUH-DUH DEE-UH
DOODLE DOODLE DOODLE DUH-DUH DEE-UH

Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena,
daughter of the smog-filled winds of Los Angeles,
I'd like to take you in the closet
and take off your little clothes
until you're virtually stark raving nude,
spread mayonaise and kaopectate all over your body
and take you down to Hollywood Boulevard
and we can, we can walk down the streets
by the stars that say John Provost and Leo G Carrol
together, Baby
We can go dancing up at the Cina Grill can't you see it: Frank
Pernell and us, until dark don't you understand, my Baby
I didn't mean, I didn't need, I mean it was so hard for me
I just I saw you standing under the Shell pest strip late last
night, in the light, with your little nipples protruding through your
little see-thru thingieand I just said 'My god, my god, I gave
my sperm to this thing'and now I just,oh you got me so hard,
I just, I don't know what to do Magdalena, don't you understand?
So I grabbed you - but, but don't hold it against me - I mean,
your mom will never know, Baby and I wantcha to
come back to me I mean do you understand me? I want you to
I'm down on my knees to ya, Magdalena I wantcha ta walk back to me,
Baby I wantcha to turn around by the Sparkletts machine that's it!
that's it! in the little chartreuse hallway with the little neon
Jesus picture on the wall and I want you to step, Baby, I want you
to walk back in your five inch spike heels that you got at Frederick's,
same time you and your mommy got that crotchless underwear last year
for the christmas and I want you to stroll back to me, Baby
Walk back Baby, dontcha understand me Baby I want you to walk back
I'm down on bended knees, Baby I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I wanna take
off your little trainig braDon't you understand me
I'm gonna take off you little maroon hot pants I'm gonna get down on
my knees, Baby dontcha understand what I'm saying to you your mom
will never know she's playing bridge with the girls and you and I
you and I will Baby, it's just you and I dontcha understand we can
make love all night long nobody will ever know come on, Magdalena!
please, little girl walk back to your daddy what did I do that
was so wrong?my god, I was only following the sexual impulse like
I heard on the Johnny Carson Showfrom a book or something I wrote,
I didn't know what I was doingI got carried away walk back,
oh please, to your daddy! come on, Magdalena to your daddy,
Baby your mom will never know come back to you daddy