Schools out, Christmas break
Home for the holiday's meatloaf and fruitcake

Off to grandmas, it's so boring
Screaming kids and grandpa's snoring

My aunt Margaret's lost her mind
She's trippin' on a train set, have another box of wine

It's gonna be a merry merry merry frickin' Christmas
I must be on Santa clauses shitlist
The tree, the gifts, the mistletoe kiss
Shoot me now I'm sick of all my relatives
Have a merry merry merry frickin' Christmas

Uncle Richard he's a weirdo
Passing out pictures of himself in a Speedo

My cousin Ashley, her singing really sucks
Blames it on her drummer and acid reflux

My brother's wife is really hot
She pulled me in the bathroom; I hope we don't get caught

It's gonna be a merry merry merry frickin' Christmas
I must be on Santa clauses shitlist
The tree, the gifts, the mistletoe kiss
Shoot me now I'm sick of all my relatives
Have a merry merry merry frickin' Christmas

We haven't even opened our presents yet but now it's time to start
So I'll fake a smile ‘cause it's going back to Wal-Mart

It's gonna be a merry merry merry frickin' Christmas
I must be on Santa clauses shitlist
The tree, the gifts, the mistletoe kiss
Shoot me now I'm sick of all my relatives
Have a merry merry merry frickin' Christmas