BAR:
As o'er our penny roll we sing,
It is not reprehensive
To think what joys our wealth would bring
Were we disposed to do the thing
Upon a scale extensive
There's rich mock-turtle--thick and clear--

RUD (confidentially):
Perhaps we'll have it once a year!

BAR (delighted):
You are an open-handed dear!

RUD:
Though, mind you, it's expensive

BAR:
No doubt it is expensive

BOTH:
How fleeting are the glutton's joys!
With fish and fowl he lightly toys,

RUD:
And pays for such expensive tricks
Sometimes as much as two-and-six!

BAR:
As two-and-six?

RUD:
As two-and-six--

BOTH:
Sometimes as much as two-and-six!

BAR:
It gives him no advantage, mind--
For you and he have only dined,
And you remain when once it's down
A better man by half-a-crown

RUD:
By half-a-crown?

BAR:
By half-a-crown

BOTH:
Yes, two-and-six is half-a-crown
Then let us be modestly merry,
And rejoice with a derry down derry
For to laugh and to sing
No extravagance bring--
It's a joy economical, very!

BAR:
Although as you're of course aware
(I never tried to hide it)
I moisten my insipid fare
With water--which I can't abear--

RUD:
Nor I--I can't abide it

BAR:
This pleasing fact our souls will cheer,
With fifty thousand pounds a year
We could indulge in table beer!

RUD:
Get out!

BAR:
We could--I've tried it!

RUD:
Yes, yes, of course you've tried it!

BOTH:
Oh, he who has an income clear
Of fifty thousand pounds a year--

BAR:
Can purchase all his fancy loves
Conspicuous hats--

RUD:
Two shilling gloves--

BAR (doubtfully):
Two-shilling gloves?

RUD (positively):
Two-shilling gloves--

BOTH:
Yes, think of that, two-shilling gloves!

BAR:
Cheap shoes and ties of gaudy hue,
And Waterbury watches, too--
And think that he could buy the lot
Were he a donkey--

RUD:
Which he's not!

BAR:
Oh no, he's not!

RUD:
Oh no, he's not!

BOTH (dancing):
That kind of donkey he is not!
Then let us be modestly merry,
And rejoice with a derry down derry
For to laugh and to sing
Is a rational thing-
It's a joy economical, very