Noel Coward was a charmer
As a writer he was brahma
Velvet jackets and pyjamas,
"the gay divorce" and other dramas

There ain't half been some clever bastards
(Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)
There ain't half been some clever bastards
Van Gough did some eyeball pleasers
He must have been a pencil squeezer
He didn't do the Mona Lisa,
That was an Italian geezer

There ain't half been some clever bastards
(Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)
There ain't half been some clever bastards

Einstein can't be classed as witless
He claimed atoms were the littlest
When you did a bit of splitting-em-ness
Frighten everybody shitless

There ain't half been some clever bastards
Probably got help from their mum
(who had help from her mum)
There ain't half been some clever bastards
Now that we've had some,
Let's hope that there's lots more to come

There ain't half been some clever bastards
(Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)
There ain't half been some clever bastards

Okey-dokey!
Oh!
Segovia
Da-laa la-laa da-daa da-lee
De dump di dump de dump-dump-diddle li-lee

There ain't half been some clever bastards
(Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)
There ain't half been some clever bastards
(Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)
There ain't half been some clever bastards
(Lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)
There ain't half been some clever…
Bastards