Gonna wipe this crowbar clean
And pry off my face
I'll roll up my sleeves and dig around
Until I find the stains
And shampoo my soiled brains

Old yellow gauze, a rusty scalpel
And some cheap whiskey
The tools for this home remedy

Students stuffed in classroom pockets
But something's out of place
Words are leaking out his sockets
Words he was supposed to memorize

Better get the compass, this one needs redirection

Soon they plugged me with ambition
Pulp from textbooks soaked in fiction
I feasted on competition

Congratulations, you're this years champion
Cue the announcer, please tell him what he's won

Letters validate the tests
Numbers to see who's the best
Now I understand that life's just a contest

Black mortarboard, a wooden ruler
And papers marked with A's
The tools that taught me to think straight

Now I don't call out the answers
I'm the host, I ask the questions
Raise your hand, who knows the answer?
Be the first to press your buzzer
Watch my eyes as you call out the answer
See them twinkle as I smile
Watch the scoreboard when you get the answer
Lights will flash and cymbals will crash
Confetti rains down from the sky

So tell him what he's won
A lifetime on the run
Pursuing number one

Red grading pens
Gray chain-link fence
Mental detentions
The tools that left these stains