This didn't used to be me, old boy
This isn't what I'd want
Pullin' old night fighters
In a restaurant

There's smoke and flames behind me
Where the self-respect all went
And I'm behind, behind with the rent

I've been stitched up like a kipper, old son
But I won't be again
Hell hath no fury
Oh, I'm like a lot of men

Now I'm stalkin' this old Doris
With lascivious intent
And I'm behind, behind with the rent

Just a little duck and dive
And a bit of wheel and deal
She'll remind me I'm alive
She'll remind me I still feel

Just a little shellin' out
For a bit of you-know-what
I know this is all about
Somethin' that I never got, oh

Well, this crumpet's past its sell-by-date
But they all would qualify
They're gonna be lonely
And be happy to comply

She knows that I'm a chancer
Comin' on like a gent
But I'm behind, behind with the rent
Yes, I'm behind, behind with the rent