There are Jews in the world, there are Buddhists,
There are Hindus and Mormons and then,
There are those that follow Mohammed,
But I've never been one of them

I'm a Roman Catholic, and have been since the day I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics,
Is they'll take you as soon as you're warm

You don't have to be a six-footer,
You don't have to have a great brain,
You don't have to have any clothes on -
You're a Catholic the moment dad came

because

Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate

Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate

Let the heathen spill theirs, on the dusty ground,
God shall make them pay for each sperm that can't be found

Every sperm is wanted, every sperm is good,
Every sperm is needed in your neighbourhood

Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill thiers just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care

Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate

Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is good,
Every sperm is needed,
In your neighbourhood

Every sperm is useful, every sperm is fine,
God needs everybody's,
Mine
And mine
And mine

Let the Pagan spill theirs,
O'er mountain, hill and plain,
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that's spilt in vain

Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is good,
Every sperm is needed in your neighbourhood

Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate