And I come home late at night and try to tiptoe in the room, and she says "My My"
And I stumble over the rocking chair and my forehead hits the floor at night It smarts
And as she's standing over me she gives me such a look and I try to hide my bloodshot eyes,
I know my goose is cooked
And I say "Honey I can explain this

I've been eating little green apples and I think maybe a little nap will do me good"
She said "All the noise you're making Ben, is going to wake up the neighborhood"
But I said "Honey I've been eating little green apples and a lay my forehead in your lap will make me fine"
And now myself is feeling low and I look into her eyes aglow and so am I

"Hey Honey ya know I learned a new dance tonight Do you wanna know what it's called? Do you know what it's called?"
"No"
"It's called The green apple quickstep it's a real goer"
"Now Ben don't come home with drinking on your mind"
"Aw shucks I didn't mean it"
"What do you mean coming home half drunk?"
"It's the truth I ran outta money, that's what"
"Okay Ben it's time for you to go to bed"
"I might as well, I'll be in trouble when I get home anyway"
"Aw honey you know I wasn't meaning that All I was doing was"

"I've been eating little green apples and I think a little nap will do me good,
So put a cold towel on my head and put old Big Ben to bed, I wish you would
I wish somebody would"