Justine was seventeen, I picked her up on the high-school green
She had a smile, I had a flask, she had a while before her next class
But she turned out to be crazy and she just wouldn't stop
She kept calling me, she kept following me
And her dad was a cop
If I hadn't've gave her my address
It wouldn't've been quite so bad
She turned out to be crazy, I turned out to be mad

Marie said she was twenty-three, but she didn't fool me
She'd stick her tongue in my ear, she'd say "c'mere,
Will you buy my friends beer"
She turned out to be crazy, it all happened so fast
Before I knew we were saying "I do"
And now she owns half my ass
If I'd have only been thinking
We could've only got tattooed
She turned out to be crazy, I turned out to be screwed

Eleanor was thirty-four, she had a husband
She didn't want him anymore
She had a plan, she'd get in bed, she'd call him in,
And then I'd hit him on the head
But she turned out to be crazy, though she kept it well hid
And it turns out that to knock a guy out
You gotta hit him harder than I did
Now he's pressing charges
They're back together and I'm out of luck
She turned out to be crazy, I turned out to be stuck