I'm what they call a man's man, guess I've always been that way
I never had a lot of use for people who were gay
I like drinking, playing poker, and smoking big cigars
Shooting pool and checking out the women in the bars
I've always liked to hang around with guys a lot like me
But lately I've discovered things aint like they used to be

Let me tell you now all of my best friends are gay
'Cause finding hetro buddies just gets tougher every day
Every time I turn about, another girlfriend's coming out
My posse's quite a lesbian array

My wife no longer minds it much when I go out to drink
She knows that she's the only one that wants my winky-dink
My lesbian pals will not succumb despite my strong persistence
I've slowly grown accustomed to their nonchalant indifference
We have a good old time on virtually every occasion
Me and all my cronies of the lesbian persuasion

Don't you know that my best friends are lesbians, it's true
And if I didn't have a pecker than I'd probably be one too
I've hung around with drunks and clowns, spent time with jocks and thespians
But now all my best friends are lesbians

My friends are all lesbians it seems
And recently I'm having some unusual wet dreams
But of all the folks in this old town it's the lesbians I like
Guess that makes me an honorary dike