Man, my car broke down, I couldn't get to a phone
By the time I got home, I had to take out the trash
and walk the dog, then a client of mine called
Before I knew it, it was like 10:30
You know, my body's been acting kind of wierd so I needed some rest

Your shit won't stink 'til you rub your nose in it
Man, you'll never believe what happened to me today
I had to get my brother from the airport
On the way home, I had to pick up my niece from daycare
and I guess when I was driving or something
I didn't see the nail
By the time the tow truck came, the last thing I wanted
to do was work

I got 1000 excuses why I can't get anything done on time
And I'll make you feel sorry for me
by whining about my epilepsy

Man, I know things have kind of sounded wishy-washy
from the get go When got 1000 things going on
it's kind of har to keep your head screwed on tight,
if you know what I mean
Oh, by the way, I do have other clients & I always
have 100% customer satisfaction guarantee

I've got a thousand excuses
and every one I'm re-using