I'm one disaster after another
You shouldn't let me meet your Mother
Like poison I'm tasteless
I'll corrupt you inside
Press my flesh and you'll wish you had died

Chorus:
Why is my life such a Slapdash Affair?
Badly put together without due care
Examine it closely and it all falls apart
I'm a car-crash victim But I'm proud of my scars

My Hairstyle's a mess
I don't know how to dress
I don't know what I like, so I just usually guess
Who knows where I'm going?
Or where I have been?
Am I straight? Bi-Curious?
Or Queer, like the Queen?

I killed all my friends off but I never meant to, really
I just get excited and act a bit silly
When I really, truly like someone I hold my breath
And before I know it, 'oops'
And I've hugged them to death

I did something good but it turned out bad
I tried to make you happy but I just made you sad
I say something right but it comes out all wrong
I'm trying to keep going but I'm not all that strong
I made something pretty but it all fell apart
When I get near the end I find myself at the start
I try my hardest to smile but something's in the way
There's something very wrong with myself today