The "secret service" makes me nervous
when I am dating they are waiting to observe us
when I get ready to hold steady for the "kiss" you plan
the "secret service" makes me nervous and I can't!

They're always spying, no denying
they're always peeping, gumshoe creeping, private eying
when I'm beginning to give-inning like a maiden aunt
the "secret service" makes me nervous and I can't!

I've been exposed beyond control
just like a "goldfish" in a bowl!

The President's daughter must drink water
no drink of "scotch" she might do what she hadn't otter
when I'm ignited, so excited that I start to "pant"
the "secret service" makes me nervous
when my lamps are lit
and I say "This is it!"

the "secret service" makes me nervous
and I can't!

The "secret service" makes me nervous
those White House "dicks" get all their kicks
when they observe us!
Just as I wind up, make my mind up, not to say "I won't"
the "secret service" makes me nervous and I don't!

When things look "rosy" they get nosy
they'll say there's "tootsie" playing "footsie" very cosy
my pulse goes higher, I'm on fire, shakin' at the knees
the "secret service" makes me nervous and I freeze!

Whatever I may do or say
will be reported the next day!
They don't see clearly when I'm merely being courted
When I'm just "necking" simply "pecking" with a "Cary Grant"
they stand behind me to remind me "who" and "what" I am
when I don't give a "?X?X" ( ooh ahh ahh! )
the "secret service" makes me nervous and I CAN'T!

Words and Music by Irving Berlin