well I'm the soul-man at the microphone stand-
you're a 50 cent fucker I'm a million dollar man-
and rippin' up shit is the god damn plan-
don't need no fuckin' muscles or a coppertone tan-
I'm a skinny little fucker from the street-
with some rhymes in my mind to make this rap complete-
I never get tired - I'm retired-
I've never been hired so I can never get fired-
I don't have a diploma or a GED-
but you don't need a degree to be on MTV-
WOO HAW - hit me with my payrole check-
it's all about money so fuck respect-
say I'm sellin out - well I'm sold-
I'm gonna be rich when I'm old like mold-
milldewin' - so you can say I'm screwin' - the pooch-
when I'm hittin' the hootch - while I'm poppin' the kootch-
booty shakin' with your girl on slow jams-
your name Michael Jackson - nah - Soulman-
so my life sucks, but yours does too-
cuz your mommas fat and ugly, and so are you-
sorry to burst bubble-
hope I caused ya trouble-
but you're startin to look like Barney the fuckin Rubble-
No harsh feelings, someone had to tell ya-
just don't come close so I won't have to smell ya
pick it up, put it down-
lay it on the ground-
like Lionel Kiddie City, turn your frown upside down-
Just like an ear test, listen for the sounds-
Cuz like a fudge maker, I cut it by the pound-
and you know I'm not a clown-
so I don't fuck around-
I just hit on your mamma cuz her botty's nice and round-
I dont give a shit if she weighs 400 pounds-
as long as she's got meat, I'll eat it all year round-
her lovin might be crappy-
but she'll never ever slap me-
cuz im the only man that'll try to make her happy-
so back off son or I'll bite ya like Tyson-
I'm not Puerto Rican, so I wont like the rice 'n'-
BEANS, BEANS, they're good for your heart-
you know the more you eat 'em, you know the more you fart-
I eat 'em all day long so stay away from my ass-
don't follow to closely and don't light a fucking match-
cuz one little spark and -BOOM- explode-
like the Power Rangers, I'll be in turbo-
Well now you now you know my life and how it sucks to be me-
but I'm comfy this way like a pair of cord jeans-