Think of you with pipe and slippers,
think of her in bed
Laying there just watching telly,
then think of me instead

I'll never grow so old and flabby,
that could never be
Don't marry her, have me

And your love light shines like cardboard,
but your work shoes are glistening
She's a Ph D in 'I told you so',
you've a knighthood in 'I'm not listening'

She'll grab your sweaty Bollocks,
then slowly raise her knee
Don't marry her, have me

And the Sunday sun shines down on San Francisco bay,
and you realise you can't make it anyway
You have to wash the car,
take the kiddies to the park
Don't marry her, have me

Those lovely Sunday mornings,
with breakfast brougt in bed
those blackbirds look like knitting needles,
trying to peck your head

those birds will peck your soul out,
and throw away the key
Don't marry her, have me

And the kitchen's always tidy,
and the bathroom is always clean
She's a diploma in 'just hiding things',
you've a first in 'low esteem'

When your socks smlll of angels,
but your life smells of Brie
Don't marry her, have me

And the Sunday sun shines down on San Francisco bay,
and you realise you can't make it anyway
You have to wash the car,
take the kiddies to the park
Don't marry her, have me

And the Sunday sun shines down on San Francisco bay,
and you realise you can't make it anyway
You have to wash the car,
take the kiddies to the park
Don't marry her, have me