I'm going down to church tonight
Take me back to when I was eight
But I don't mean to pray
I'm gonna nick the collection plate

(chorus)

I'v got nothing against church
Or any people that go there and show that
They're ignorant, I don't understand
A congregation at weekends can change their behaviour

So many people are weak in their lives
And seek guidance from the pedlars of hope
As you know I used to go there myself
Until the day I became antipope

We're gonna have some fun tonight
Let's spread the news around the town
That the vicar's a transvestite
With a fetish for ropes and gowns

(chorus)

Religion doesn't mean a thing
Its just another way of being right wing
I think sex films are okay
I don't dig that all the way

(chorus)