Hello Mudda, hello Fadda,
Here I am at Camp Granada
Camp is very entertaining,
And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining

I went hiking with Joe Spivy;
He developed poison ivy
You remember Leonard Skinner;
He got ptomain poisoning last night after dinner

All the counselors hate the waiters,
And the lake has alligators,
And the head coach wants no sissies,
So he reads to us from something called "Ulysses"

Now I don't want this should scare ya,
But my bunk mate has malaria
You remember Jeffrey Hardy,
They're about to organize a searching party

Take me home, oh Mudda, Fadda,
Take me home, I hate Granada!
Don't leave me in the forest where
I might get eaten by a bear

Take me home, I promise I will not make noise,
Or mess the house with other boys
Oh, please don't make me stay,
I've been here one whole day

Dearest Father, darling Mother,
How's my precious little brother?
Let me come home if you miss me,
I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me

Wait a minute, it stopped hailing,
Guys are swimming, gals are sailing
Playing baseball, gee that's betta,
Mudda, Fadda, kindly disregard this letter!