Well, I used to drive a cab, you know
I heard a siren scream
Pulled over to the corner
And fell into a dream
There were two men eating pennies
And three young girls who cried
"The West coast is falling,
I see rocks in the sky"
The preacher took his bible
And he laid it on the stone
He said: "with the congegration running,
Why should I play the fool?"

Well I used to be a woman, you know
I took you for a ride,
I let you fly my airplane
It looked good for your pride
'cause you're the kind of man you know
Who likes what he says
I wonder what's it's like
To be so far over my head
Well, the lady made the wedding
And she brought along the ring
She got down on her knees
And said: 'let's get on with this thing'

Well I used to be a folk singer
Keeping managers alive,
When you saw me on a corner
And told me I was jive
So I unlocked your mind, you know
To see what I could see
If you guarantee the postage,
I'll mail you back the key
Well I woke up in the morning
With an arrow through my nose
There was an indian in the corner
Tryin' on my clothes

Well I used to be asleep you know
With blankets on my bed
I stayed there for a while
'til they disovered I was dead
The coroner was friendly
And I liked him quite a lot
If I hadn't 've been a woman
I guess I'd never have been caught
They gave me back my house and car
And nothing more was said

Well I was driving down the freeway
When my car ran out of gas
Pulled over to the station
But I was afraid to ask
The servicemen were yellow
And the gasoline was green
Although I knew I couldn't
I thought I was gonna scream
That was on my last trip to Tulsa
Just before the snow
If you ever need a ride there,
Be sure to let me know

Well I was chopping down a palm tree
When a friend dropped by to ask
If I would feel less lonely
If he helped me swing the axe
I said 'no, it's not a case of being lonely
We've had here,
I've been working on this palm tree
For eighty seven years'
He said "go get lost"
And walked towards his Cadillac
I chopped down the palm tree
And it landed on his back