We are the pirates we don't do anything
We just stay at home, and lie around
And if you ask us, to do anything
We'll just tell you, we don't do anything

But I've never been to Greenland
And I've never been to Denver
And I've never buried treasure in ST Louie or ST Paul
And I've never been to Moscow
And I've never been to Tampa
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

'cause we're the pirates that don't do anything
We just stay at home, and lie around
And if you ask us, to do anything
We'll just tell you, we don't do anything

And I've never hoist the main sail
And I've never swabbed the poop deck
And I've never veered starboard, cause I've never sailed at all
And I've never walked the gang plank
And I've never owned a parrot
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

'cause we're the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home, and lie around
And if you ask us, to do anything
We'll just tell you, we don't do anything

Oh, I've never plucked a rooster
And I am not too good at ping-pong
And I've never thrown my mashed pertaters up against the wall
And I've never kissed a chipmunk,
And I've never gotten head lice
And I have never been to Boston in the fall

(pirate captains log 2002

Who be this band relient k
And why they be so full of contradictions)

We don't know what he did
But we're down with captain kidd
We don't wake up before lunch
But we all eat captain crunch
We don't smoke, we don't chew
We watch captain kangaroo

And I've never licked a spark-plug
And I've never sniffed a stink bug
And I've never painted Daisies on a big red rubber ball
And I've never bathed in yogurt
And I don't look good in leggings
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

We are the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home, and lie around
And if you ask us, to do anything
We'll just tell you, we don't do anything

We are the pirates we don't do anything
We just stay at home, and lie around
And if you ask us, to do anything
We'll just tell you, we don't do anything