I been Norman Mailered, Maxwell Taylored
I been John O'Hara'd, McNamara'd
I been Rolling Stoned and Beatled till I'm blind
I been Ayn Randed, nearly branded
Communist, 'cause I'm left-handed
That's the hand I use, well, never mind!
I been Phil Spectored, resurrected
I been Lou Adlered, Barry Sadlered
Well, I paid all the dues I want to pay
And I learned the truth from Lenny Bruce,
And all my wealth won't buy me health,
So I smoke a pint of tea a day

I knew a man, his brain was so small,
He couldn't think of nothing at all
He's not the same as you and me
He doesn't dig poetry He's so unhip that
When you say Dylan, he thinks you're talking about Dylan Thomas,
Whoever he was
The man ain't got no culture,
But it's alright, ma,
Everybody must get stoned

I been Mick Jaggered, silver daggered
Andy Warhol, won't you please come home?
I been mothered, fathered, aunt and uncled,
Been Roy Haleed and Art Garfunkeled
I just discovered somebody's tapped my phone