I've been growin' my cactus since birth and I'll tell you that
It's even more fun to have than a Chia Pet
Fun's just begun, when I take it off the shelf
I play with it with friends or when I'm by myself
Flourishing nightly by the light of the full moon
It always stands erect when in full bloom
More powerful than the starship Enterprise
Took it to a show and my cactus won a prize
All attempts to control it have been foiled
I plant my cactus and it gets soiled
Girls are impressed when they happen to come upon it
At night when I go to work I put a cover on it

I got a cat and the pussy likes to play with it
If I keep up the good work she'sll stay with it
I grow it for keeps but I know when I'm licked
One girl wasn't careful when she touched it and she got pricked
Beware of my cactus when I turn it loose
But I know you're gonna love my cactus juice
I've seen cactuses that have seen better days
Take good care and it grows a little every day
Even if you don't like me I would guess that
When you see my cactus you're gonna be impressed
I know it can suit your needs, can't it?
Doesn't matter where it's always ready to be planted
My cactus is special so I wrote a poem
It's in a class by itself so it hangs alone
If you don't like the way I'm goin' at this
You can kick my ass, but please don't kick my cactus