Advice to the Lovelorn
(John Fryer)
I'm Blue-eyes of Scunthorpe, I need some advice,
For I've been a bad girl (why was it so nice?),
I've no one to turn to in this modern age;
So all that is left is the Lonely Hearts Page,
And Miss Home, Home, Evelyn Home
Dear Evelyn Home, I've a problem for you,
I've slept with my boyfriend (he slept with me too),
His parents found out and blamed it on me,
And completely ignore me when I go to tea,
Dear Miss Home, Home, Evelyn Home
Should I say I'm sorry, not do it again,
Refrain from all romance and be home by ten?
My boy says, ``Don't do it, you might drive them to
Informing your parents, then what would you do?''
Dear Miss Home, Home, Evelyn Home
Dear Blue-eyes of Scunthorpe, I can't understand
Why you and you only are taking a stand,
It takes two to go wrong, apportion the guilt;
Your boyfriend was in it, right up to the hilt,
Says Miss Home, Home, Evelyn Home
Dear blue-eyes of Scunthorpe, hear what I must state,
For grief and contrition it's really too late,
Unless you get married as soon as you can,
You'll regret having had carnal knowledge of man,
O dear, sighs Miss Home, as she lays down her pen,
The troubles these young women have with their men;
It's sordid, immoral, and I really can't see
Why the hell all these things never happened to me,
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