Benny was the bouncer at the Palais de Danse
He's slash your granny's face up given half a chance
He'd sell you back the pieces, all for less than half a quid
He thought he was the meanest --
Until he met with Savage Sid

Now Sidney was a greaser with some nasty roots
He poured a pint of Guinness over Benny's boots
Benny looked at Sidney:
Sidney stared right back in his eye
Sidney chose a switchblade
and Benny got a cold meat pie

Oh! what a terrible sight,
much to the people's delight
One hell of a fight

Sidney grabbed a hatchet and buried itin Benny's head
The poeple gasped as he bled:
The end of a Ted?

Well they dragged him from the wreckage of the Palais in bits
They tried to stick together all the bits that would fit
But some of him was missing
and "part of him" arrived too late,
so now he works for Jesus
as the bouncer at St Peter's gate