I put all my eggs in the bacon slicer
but now it's turned out fine
in fact it couldn't be nice
a nice Jewish girl and a bottle of cider
seven days later I was a man of the world
I thought
I'll go and get a slice of pizza from the pizzeria
oh, and a coke
has anybody got the change of five quid

I'm happy to be here
so happy to be here
and I wish that you were here
unhappy with me and happy to be here
so happy to be here
but you'd had to have been there to be here
with me

I played a blinder against a gaggle of nuns
I was all mouth and trousers they were fingers
and thumbs had a lesson from the vicar on oral hygiene
he was stitching my trousers, and staring at
Christine she had three tickets to see Alfie at the Odeon
"What's it all about Christine?"
free you mind
yeah but what the
I'm happy to to be here
so happy to be here
and I wish that you were here
unhappy with me

I'm happy to be here
so happy to be here
but you'd had to have been there to be here
with me

I'm happy to be here
so happy to be here
how I wish that you were here
unhappy with me