You know what Stuart? I like you
You're not like the other people here in the trailer park
Oh, don't get me wrong They're fine people Good Americans
But, they're content to sit back, maybe watch a little Mork and Mindy
on channel 57 Maybe kick back a cool Coors 16-ouncer
They're good fine people, Stuart but they don't know, what
the queers are doing to the soil
You know that Johnny Wurster kid, the kid who delivers papers in the
neighborhood? He's a foreign kid Some of the neighbors say
he smokes crack, but I don't believe it
Anyway, for his 10th birthday, all he wanted was a burrough owl
"Dad, get me a burrough owl I'll never ask for anything else as
long as I live" So the guy breaks down and buys him a burrough owl
Anyway, 10:30, the other night, I go out into my yard
And there's the Wurster kid looking up in the tree
I said, "What are you looking for?"
He said, "I'm looking for my burrough owl"
I said, "Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick Everyone knows that a burrough
owl lives in a hole in the ground Why the hell do you think they call
it a burrough owl, anyway?"
Now Stuart, do you think a kid like that is gonna know
what the queers are doing to the soil?
I first became aware of this, about 10 years ago The summer my oldest
boy Bill Jr died You know that carnival that comes to town every year?
Well that year it came with a ride called the Mixer The man said, keep
your head and arms inside the mixer at all times
But Bill Jr, he was a daredevil Just like his old man He was leaning
out saying, "Hey everybody, look at me, look at me" Oh, he was
decapitated They found his head over by the snowcone consession A
few days after that, I open up the mail and there's a pamphlet in
there, from Peublo, Colorodo And it's addressed to Bill Jr And it's
entitled, "Do you know what the queers are doing to our soil!"
Now Stuart, if you look at the soil around any large US city
with a big underground homosexual population Des Moines, Iowa, for
example Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart You can't build
on it, you can't grow anything in it The government says it's due
to poor farming But I know what's really going on, Stuart I know
it's the queers They're in it with the aliens They're building
landing strips for gay Martians I swear to God
You know what Stuart, I like you
You're not like the other people, here in the trailer park