BOOT TO THE HEAD
performed by the Frantics
PART I : THE LESSON
MASTER: Approach student, close the circle at the feet of the master You
have come to me asking that I be your guide along the path of Tae Kwon
Leap But, be warned: To learn its ways, you must learn the ways of your
own soul Let us meditate on this wisdom now So: Ohhhhmmmmm
STUDENT1 (Ed Gruberman): Uh, sir! Sir! (Oo!, Oo!) Sir!
MASTER: Who disturbs our meditation, as a pebble disturbs the stillness of
the pond?
EG: Me! Ed Gruberman!
MASTER: E-Ed Gruberman
EG: Yeah, uh, no disrespect or nuthin', but, uh, how long is this gonna take?
MASTER: Tae Kwon Leap is not a path to a door, but a road leading
forever towards the horizon
EG: So like, what, an hour or so?
MASTER: No, no, we have not even begun upon the path Ed Gruberman, you
must learn patience
EG: Yeah yeah yeah, patience How long will that take?
MASTER: Time has no meaning To a true student, a year is as a day
EG: A YEAR??? I wanna beat people up right now! I got the pajamas! Yah
yah yah hwoom!
MASTER: 'Beat people up'
EG: Yeah! Just show me all those nifty moves so I can start trashing
bozos! That's all I came here for! YO ASTA STA STA!!! Pretty good, ey?
MASTER: The only use of Tae Kwon Leap is self-defense Do you know who
said that? Ki Lo Ni, the great teacher
EG: Yeah? Well the best defense is a good offense, you know who said
that? Mel, the cook on 'Alice'
MASTER: Tae Kwon Leap is the wine of purity, not the vinegar of
hostility Meditate upon this truth with us Ohmmmmmm
EG: Listen, shrimp! Now are you gonna show me some fancy moves, or am I
gonna start wipin' the walls with you?
MASTER: Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Tae Kwon Leap Approach me that
you might see
EG: All right! Finally some action!
MASTER: Observe closely, class Boot to the Head! (SH-ZOOMP!)
EG (drunkenly): Owww! You booted me in the head!
MASTER: You are lucky, Ed Gruberman Few novices experience so much of
Tae Kwon Leap so soon
EG (quietly, to himself): Ow, oh, my head!
MASTER: Now we continue Ohhhmmmmm
EG: Hey! I wasn't ready! Come and get me now shorty, hah? Come on, are
ya chicken?
MASTER: Boot to the head! (SH-ZOOMP!)
EG (again, drunkenly): Oww! Okay, now I'm ready, okay, now, come on, try it
now
MASTER: Boot to the head! (SH-ZOOMP!)
EG: Mind if I just lie down here for a minute?
MASTER: Now class, we shall return to our
STUDENT2: Master?
MASTER: It is wrong to tip the vessel of knowledge, student
STUDENT2: Many apologies, master But I feel Ed Gruberman is not wholly wrong
MASTER: What do you mean?
STUDENT2: I want to boot some head, too
MASTER: Have you learned nothing from the lesson of Ed Gruberman?
STUDENT2: Yes, master I have learned two things First, that anger
is a weapon only to one's opponent
MASTER: Very good
STUDENT2: And secondly, get in the first shot Boot to the head (SH-ZOOMP!)
MASTER: You missed
STUDENT2: Yeah Well
MASTER: You too shall be honored to learn a lesson
STUDENT2: You don't have to, you know I gotta be going
MASTER: Boot to the head! (SH-ZOOMP!)
STUDENT2 (agonizing pain): Oyyy oy oyyyy Oh
MASTER: Can anyone tell us what lesson has been learned here?
STUDENT3: Yes, master Not a single one of us could defeat you
MASTER: You gain wisdom, child
STUDENT3: So we'll hafta gang up on ya! Get 'im guys!
(Master throws many Boot-to-the-head's and SH-ZOOMP's, and people are groaning
in pain)
MASTER: And now class, let us rejoin the mind to the body and gaze into
the heart of the candle of meditation
UNISON: Ohhhmmmm
MASTER: Very good, class
PART II : THE SONG
Yi yi yai yi
People talking in movie shows,
People smoking in bed!
People voting Republican,
Give them a boot to the head!
Boot to the Head! Yah, yah
Boot to the Head! Yah, yah
Boot to the Head! Yah, yah
Boot to the Head! Yah yah yah yah yah yah yah
Mechanics who can't fix a car,
Politicians who can't think!
The salesman who won't leave me alone,
The waiter who forgot my drink!
(Refrain)
Boot to the head! Yah, yah
Boot to the head! Yah, yah
Boot to the head! Yah, yah
BOOT TO THE HEAD