Kitty calls me on the phone,
To say she's all alone
And needs somebody's there
Crystal sees into the future,
Tells me that she's an asshole;
Should have, but who really cares

I sit here and wonder if we are sharing a different world,
And all these making emotions whirling around me swirl;
I'm in love with everybody's girl

Look at Brenda there with Luke,
She's giving him the boot,
Ah, but Kelly's standing by
Aw, and here comes my man Tom,
Ask her "Do you wanna"
But I never even try

I sit here and wonder if we are sharing a different world,
And all these deviant motions making the channels twirl;
And I'm in love with everybody's girl

I'm spending Cinco de Mayo with my Maria;
Celebrating her independance with little Emily
And should the new year should find you without Jenny,
There she'll be
You'll find her under my tree,
Wrapped up and waiting for me

If you call me on the phone,
Don't ever weep and moan;
You always find me there
And if you see into the future,
Be so kind as
Not to tell me what you find out there

We'll lie in bed watching re-runs of another world,
Just like a drunk, better be no stuck on a tilt-a-whirl;
And I'm in love with everybody's
I'm in love with everybody's
I'm in love
(Ew, you're creepy)
With everybody's girl