Mom and Dad crashed the 401k
Just to get me where I am today
Knee deep in debauchery
Waiting in line at the keg
Get a degree
Pop a few cherries
Get a tattoo of some Greek symbology
This is what I do
To serve the truth
For the red, white, and brew

It's an American Standard
It's an American Standard
That I will pass out every night
Piss myself and pick a fight
I wish I won't
I know I might
It's an American Standard

The futon's full of a couple fools
As I'm staring at the cops in the ceiling
Marley's on the wall and I'm coming down
As I'm dreading the road that's in front of me
The chick from last night
Won't remember by name
So I can't be held to blame
I'm living in the plan
I'm a knee jerk man
Doing all I can

It's an American Standard
It's an American Standard
That I will pass out every night
Piss myself and pick a fight
It can't be wrong
It feels too right
It's an American Standard

They say these days you'll never forget
But every evening is another blur that ends in porcelain
And the vow I'll never od it again
I'm surrounded by a gaggle of friends
And all the while as I'm gogging I'm wondering why me
Then I start it all over again

It's an American Standard
It's an American Standard
That I will pass out every night
Piss myself and pick a fight
It can't be wrong
It feels too right
It's an American Standard

I'm only here to fill my parent's ambitions
So near, so far
It's a well's worth of wishing
I'm dishing out the dirt until it's piled six feet above me
Just tell me where to go and I'll get in line
I just want a little slice of the pie
A perfect life and perfect wife to serve me
Completely
Just tell me where to go and I'll get in line
I just want a little slice of the pie
A perfect life and a girl on the side to serve me
Discretely
Just tell me where to go and I'll get in line
Just tell me where to go and I'll get in line