When I was young and just a bad little kid,
My momma noticed funny things I did
Like shootin' puppies with a BB-Gun
I'd poison guppies, and when I was done,
I'd find a pussy-cat and bash in it's head
That's when my momma said
(What did she say?)
She said my boy I think someday
You'll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay

You'll be a dentist
You have a talent for causing things pain!
Son, be a dentist
People will pay you to be inhumane!

You're temperment's wrong for the priesthood,
And teaching would suit you still less
Son, be a dentist
You'll be a success

"Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque"
"Watch him suck up that gas Oh My God!"
"He's a dentist and he'll never ever be any good"
"Who wants their teeth done by the Marqui DeSade?"

"Oh, that hurts! Wait! I'm not numb!"
"Eh, Shut Up! Open Wide! Here I Come!"

I am your dentist
And I enjoy the career that I picked
I'm your dentist
And I get off on the pain I inflict!

I thrill when I drill a bicuspid
It's swell, though then tell me I'm mal-adjusted

And though it may cause my patients distress
SomewhereSomewhere in heaven above me
I knowI know that my momma's proud of me
"Oh, Momma"

'Cause I'm a dentist
And a success!

"Say ahh"
"Say AHhhh"
"Say AAARRRHHHH!!!"
"Now Spit