Spoken introduction:
Nicholas! Albert! Look, I don't know where they are, but I'd like you to meet
My two pals, my buddies, my two amigos I'll tell you all about them - well

I never gargled, I never gambled, I never smoked at all
Until I met my two good amigos, Nick Teen and Al K Hall
Strange as it seems, I met in my dreams, Nick Teen and Al K Hall
Here's what they said to me, 'Use your head, just see your life is very, very dull"
Well, I never gargled, I never gambled, I never smoked at all
Until I met my two good amigos, Nick Teen and Al K Hall
So I said to Nick, 'Nick tell me quick, what should a fellow do?'
He said to me, 'Boy, easy to see boy, you should try a cigarette or two'
Well, I never gargled, I never gambled, I never smoked at all
Until I met my two good amigos, Nick Teen and Al K Hall
So I lit a fag, and I took a drag, then to my great surprise,
I started to gasp, and coughed like a rasp,
And everything spun round before my eyes
Well, I never gargled, I never gambled, I never smoked at all
Until I met my two good amigos, Nick Teen and Al K Hall
So I said to Al, 'Al, be a pal, what do you really think?'
He said to me, 'Boy, easy to see boy, smoking's kid's stuff, pour yourself a drink'
Well, I never gargled, I never gambled, I never smoked at all
Until I met my two good amigos, Nick Teen and Al K Hall
So quick as a wink, I took a drink, swigged a glassful down
First it seemed to hit me, then it turned around and bit me,
And everything went all spinning round
Well, I never gargled, I never gambled, I never smoked at all
Until I met my two good amigos, Nick Teen and Al K Hall
Well, here is the joke, when I awoke, it wasn't finished yet,
I noticed first a terrible thirst
And then a craving for a cigarette
Well, I never gargled, I never gambled, I never smoked at all
Until I met my two good amigos, Nick Teen and Al K Hall
Well, take my advice, this smoking is nice and the drinking is really lush
As you can see, there's no change in me,
I'm still as pure as the driven slush
Well, I never gargled, I never gambled, I never smoked at all
Until I met my two good amigos, Nick Teen and Al K Hall
Nick Teen and Al K Hall