KRUPKE
(spoken)
Hey, you!

A-RA
(spoken)
Who me?

KRUPKE
(spoken)
Yeah, you!

A-RA
(spoken)
Why it is Officer Krupke, Baby John

BABY JOHN
(spoken)
Top of the evening, Officer Krupke

KRUPKE
(spoken)
I'll crack the top of your skulls if you
punks don't stop when I whistle

SNOWBOY
(spoken)
Ya see, cops believe everything they
read in the papers

ACTION
(spoken)
To them we ain't human We're cruddy
juvenile delinquents So that's what we give 'em

SNOWBOY(imitating Krupke)
(spoken)
Hey, you!

ACTION
(spoken)
Me, Officer Krupke?

SNOWBOY
(spoken)
Yeah, you! Gimme one good reason
for not dragging ya down the station house, ya
punk

ACTION
Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke,
You gotta understand,
It's just our bringin' up-ke
That gets us out of hand
Our mothers all are junkies,
Our fathers all are drunks
Golly Moses, natcherly we're punks!

ACTION and QUARTET
Gee, Officer Krupke, we're very upset;
We never had the love that every child oughta get
We ain't no delinquents,
We're misunderstood
Deep down inside us there is good!

ACTION
There is good!

ALL
There is good, there is good,
there is untapped good
Like inside, the worst of us is good

SNOWBOY (imitating Krupke)
(spoken)
That's a touchin'
good story

ACTION
(spoken)
Lemme tell it to the world!

SNOWBOY ("Krupke")
(spoken)
Just tell it to the judge

ACTION
Dear kindly Judge, your Honor,
My parents treat me rough
With all their marijuana,
They won't give me a puff
They didn't wanna have me,
But somehow I was had
Leapin' lizards, that's why I'm so bad!

DIESEL ("Judge")
Right!
Officer Krupke, you're really a square;
This boy don't need a judge, he needs an
analyst's care!
It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed
He's psychologic'ly disturbed!

ACTION
I'm disturbed!

ALL
We're disturbed, we're disturbed,
We're the most disturbed,
Like we're psychologic'ly disturbed

DIESEL ("Judge")
(spoken)
In the opinion of this court, this child
is depraved on account he ain't had a
normal home

ACTION
(spoken)
Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm
deprived!

DIESEL ("Judge")
(spoken)
So take him to a headshrinker

ACTION
My father is a bastard,
My ma's an SO
My grandpa's always plastered,
My grandma pushes tea
My sister wears a mustache,
My brother wears a dress
Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess!

A-RAB ("Psychiatrist")
Yes!
Officer Krupke, you're really a slo
This boy don't need a doctor, just a good honest
jo
Society's played him a terrible trick,
Und sociologic'ly he's sick!

ACTION
I am sick!

ALL
We are sick, we are sick,
We are sick sick sick,
Like we're sociologically sick!

A-RAB ("Psychiatrist")
(spoken)
In my opinion, this child don't need
to have his head shrunk at all Juvenile
delinquency is purely a social disease!

ACTION
(spoken)
Hey, I got a social disease!

A-RAB ("Psychiatrist")
(spoken)
So take him to a social worker!

ACTION
Dear kindly social worker,
They say go earn a buck,
Like be a soda jerker,
Which means like be a schmuck
It's not I'm anti-social,
I'm only anti-work
Glory Osky, that's why I'm a jerk!

BABY JOHN ("Social Worker")
Eek!
Officer Krupke, you've done it again
This boy don't need a job, he needs a year in the
pen
It ain't just a question of misunderstood;
Deep down inside him, he's no good!

ACTION
I'm no good!

ALL
We're no good, we're no good,
We're no earthly good,
Like the best of us is no damn good!

DIESEL ("Judge")
The trouble is he's crazy

A-RAB ("Psychiatrist")
The trouble is he drinks

BABY JOHN ("Social Worker")
The trouble is he's lazy

DIESEL ("Judge")
The trouble is he stinks

A-RAB ("Psychiatrist")
The trouble is he's growing

BABY JOHN ("Social Worker")
The trouble is he's grown

ALL
Krupke, we got troubles of our own!

Gee, Officer Krupke,
We're down on our knees,
'Cause no one wants a fella with a social
disease
Gee, Officer Krupke,
What are we to do?
Gee, Officer Krupke,
Krup you!