Wanna hear something? You know that Indians never ate
clams They didn't have linguini! And so what happened
was that clams was allowed to grow unmolested in the
coastal waters of America for millions of years And
they got big, and I ain't talking about clams in
general, I'm talking about each clam! I mean each one
was a couple of million years old or older So imagine
they could have got bigger than this whole room And
when they get that big, God gives them little feet so
that they could walk around easier And when they get
feet, they get dangerous I'm talking about real
dangerous I ain't talking about sitting under the
water waiting for you I'm talking about coming after
you

Imagine being on one of them boats coming over to
discover America, like Columbus or something, standing
there at night on watch, everyone else is either drunk
or asleep And you're watching for America and the
boat's going up and down And you don't like it anyhow
But you gotta stand there and watch, for what Only he
knows, and he ain't watching You hear the waves
lapping against the side of the ship The moon is
going behind the clouds You hear the pitter patter of
little footprints on deck IS THAT YOU KIDS? IT AIN'T
MY GOD IT'S THIS HUMUNGUS GIANT CLAM!

Imagine those little feet coming on deck A clam twice
the size of the ship Feet first You're standing
there shivering with fear, you grab one of these This
is a belaying pin They used to have these stuck in
the holes all around the ship you probably didn't
know what this is for; you probably had an idea, but
you were wrong They used to have the