I left my keys on the dreser when she left me
I knew I wouldn't need them tonight
I called the boys to come pick me up
And left my truck sitting there in the drive
Well, I'll be here 'til closing time
Trying to drink her off my mind

Chorus
I've had a long neck, a Long Island Tea
A few fuzzy navels and "sex on the beach"
Some straight up, some on the rocks
I'll probably eat the worm before I stop
I ain't the driver, I aint the thinker
Tonight I'm the desgnated drinker

Well, there's always one in every honky-tonk
Who has a lot of pain to ease
So, I wont be hard for the boys to find
Whenever it's times to leave
Well, I'll be down at the end of the bar
Standing on my own two knees

Chorus 2X

I aint the driver
I aint the thinker
Tonight I'm the designated drinker

I aint the driver
I aint the thinker
Tonight I'm the designated drinker