{spoken by record producer}
Alright, we got the tenor sax, vocal group,
Piano, drums and guitar
We're all set to make a hit rock & roll record
Now let's hear it
{band starts to play poorly}
BS) Hold it Hold it! Something's missing
RE) A teenage idol man, You don't have a teenage idol
BS) Oh yeah, yeah wait here I'll get one
{sound of footsteps leaving studio - door opens - closes -
More footsteps - door opens onto street }
BS) Hey kid!
CA) Who me?
BS) Yeah, Can you sing?
CA) No
BS) Good Come with me
{sound of door closing - footsteps - studio door opening -
Door closes - more footsteps}
BS) Say where were you going just now?
CA) I was on my way to high school
BS) Perfect Now you stand up there in front of that
Microphone and say 'high school' when I point at ya
Kid you're gonna be a big record star!
CA) Oo-Oo
BS) Hey that's good too, throw that in Now here we go

{music starts}
High school-oo-oo
High school-oo-oo
High school
High school
High school
Oo-oo

BS) Hey wait a minute What did you put that on the end for?
CA) Well it was just a little, you know, embellishment
BS) Oh yeah, You keep that up and the first thing you know
This record'll swing And then were will we be?
CA) yeah
BS) Okay you guys, that's the first side
CA) Isn't that a kinda short song?
BS) Yeah, it gets more plays that way
CA) Oh I see
BS) Oh by the way, What's your name?
CA) Clyde Ankle
BS) Perfect!
CA) But I can't sing
BS) What's that got to do with anything?
You got all the requirements A pretty face and a pompadour
CA) Well do I get to pose beside a tiger?
BS) Nah that's been done Maybe we'll get you a moose
CA) Well maybe now I can have my adnoids taken out
BS) What, and ruin your amature standing?
CA) Well could you at least get me a date with that Mouseketeer
That's grown up
BS) Alright, we'll see
CA) Oh boy!
BS) Ah now, you're gonna go three nights a week
For finger snapping lessons
CA) Oo I've wanted to do that for as long as I've
Been in show biz
BS) Hey wait a second How long have you been in show biz?
CA) About a minute and a half
BS) Oh Now let's see if you can act humble in front of the press
CA) Okay Oh I'll never replace Elvis
BS) All right
CA) He's the king
BS) All right, All right all ready! Don't over do it
CA) Hey how can we be sure the girls are gonna scream at me?
BS) Ah don't worry, will ya kid, I got a screaming machine right here
CA) Yeah?
BS) It replaces a teenage audiance We put it in the back of the
Auditorium, push the button, panicsville Here listen
{sound of girls screaming}
BS) Will you get out of that drummer's lap
{sound of drum thump - drum stick falls on floor}
D) Wow! Bent my cymbal man
BS) Now here's some variations
{sounds of different screaming crouds - ending with Nazi 'Sig Hiel'}
BS) Whoops, Wrong croud
Well let's do the other side of the record
I'll turn on the machine here and there
CA) Uh-huh
BS) Yeah so you can, you know, get conditioned to it
CA) Yeah okay

CA) What am I gonna use for words on this side?
BS) Who cares Say the first thing that comes into your head
CA) Okay What are you gonna do with that sharp stick?
BS) Oh never mind what I'm gonna do with it Just sing will ya
Here we go

{music starts}
Well I was on my way to high school
When a guyyyyyyyyy came through the door Woo
And he said he was gonna make me a bigggggggg
Record star {girls screaming}
I said I can't sing Woo He said it doesn't matter Woo
He said you got a pretty face and a pommmmpadour
{girls screaming} {Don't ya fool with that stick man! }
Aaaaaahh
Don't need anything
But a pretty face mm Woo
And long black hair to toss Ooo
With the possssssible exception of Blue Cross Ooo
{girls screaming - song ends}

BS) Oh perfect Stick with me kid
Clyde Ankle is gonna jump up the charts
CA) He is if you keep on with that stick man
BS) All right
CA) well You really think you can get any disc jockeys
To play my songs?
BS) It's getting tougher, but I'm on my way to see one right now
CA) Oh boy
BS) Right after I stop off at the bank
CA) Ha the old payola roll blues huh?
BS) What kind of a crack is that?
That's an insult to my integrity

{music: smooth jazz}
DJ) Your name is what?
BS) Barney Schlock, I got this little record company
DJ) Uh-huh
BS) Obscurity Records
DJ) It would be yeah
BS) Look I know the probe is on, but I got a record here
That's got to happen High School Oo Oo by Clyde Ankle
How's about it baby, You wanna jump on it?
DJ) Crazy, lay it on the floor
BS) Lay it on the floor ha ha hey that's pretty good, I got
To remember that ha ha ha
Ah shall we say fifty clams a week to ride it?
Huh? I mean really ride it
DJ) Man I wouldn't ride something called High School Oo Oo
If it had a vicuna saddle
BS) yeah but
DJ) You got the wrong disc jockey and the wrong station Clyde
BS) Barney Look if it gets in the Top 40 you'll have to play it
DJ) Yeah? I'll play that jazz the day Ella sings the Fats Domino
Song book
BS) Well I'd like to get your opinion
DJ) No
BS) See what you think of it
DJ) No man
BS) Let's just listen to a little of it
DJ) Don't let it touch my turntable man
BS) Wait a minute
DJ) I just had Shearing on there man
BS) Look it will only take a few seconds, listen
{jazz stops abruptly - High School Oo Oo starts}
{DJ scratches needle accross record to stop it}
BS) Ah you didn't hear enough of it
DJ) Too much, I heard too much!
{jazz music again}
BS) All right you'll seeThe kids will eat it up
They think that's good singin'
DJ) Is it?
BS) Oh not really baby, but don't tell the kids I said so huh
(Ha ha ha) Us little rock & roll lables got a good thing goin'
We pay off a few guys in the key cities here,
Rig a few charts there, bingo a new hit parade
And that's how rock & roll was born (ha ha ha)
DJ) Yeah I'm hip
BS) Look kid, If you don't want bread, what do you need?
A little dental work, a trip to Vegas?
DJ) Forget it!
BS) Pre 1959 cranberries?
DJ) You're all heart Barney
BS) Heart?
DJ) That thing right behind your shoulder holster
BS) Huh? Oh, Oh yeah
So ah, you don't wanna give High School Oo Oo a ride then huh?
DJ) Only on a rail
BS) Ah listen kid, payola's the only way a little record artist
Can get off the ground
DJ) Yeah? Did you ever hear of talent?
BS) No Who does he record for?
DJ) Look, nothing really good ever had to pay to get played,
Only junk The majority of disc jockeys never played ball with
You at any price But that's all over now You've been benched
BS) I have?
DJ) And not a moment too soon If your game had gone on
Much longer, the kids would have forgotten what music
Sounded like
BS) I've almost forgotten myself
DJ) Not me Can I show you to the door?
BS) No, I'll just slide out under it
DJ) That figures
BS) Don't worry, I'll be glad to get out of the music business
DJ) You know what? You were never in it
{music stops}

B) Stanley
DJ) Yeah Billy
B) Has he gone?
DJ) Yeah
B) I thought he'd never leave like
DJ) Didn't we all Here, you want a copy of High School Oo Oo?
B) Crazy I'll have it melted down in to a little vinylite statue
Of Conway Twitty
DJ) Why not You ready Judd?
J) Yeah
DJ) Okay hit it Billy

{big band song}
Goodbye Goodbye
Goodbye Obscurity Records
Goodbye Goodbye
Goodbye you overnight one shot
Hello music Hello swing
Hello jazz you beautiful thing
Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello
(La la la la la){bomb falling - explosion}
(What ya gonna do when the){machine gun}
So long So long
So long you nasal obstruction
{ukalale}(He he he he){gun shot & ricochet}
You had your day
But paved your way to destruction
(Short fat Mabel, Said she wasn't able
I told you listen mama, Don't you){machine gun}
So long music parasite
So long tin pan amateur night
Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye

Hello music
Hello swing
Hello jazz
You beautiful thing
Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello
To you
Hello Hello