It was a terrible day My legs felt like four pounds of cheese in a two-pound bag I didn't know what to do My eyes were bloodshot, and actually my legs were bloodshot as well It was strange, but I was happy I got into my car I decided I was going to leave the city Gonna go south, gonna have a holiday
So I got in my car and I wondered why it wasn't running and then I realized I didn't have any keys So I went in the house, found my keys, came back out, started the car, and drove down the highway
The highway shimmered like black incense on the bald head of a Buddhist monk I drove down the highway and I got to that big city of Miami The steaming, seedy city - the city that's so seedy, the have trees there Well I went into the nearest hotel and I went up to the door and I said, "I'd like a room" Then I realized I was outside and I had to go inside So I went inside and I walked up to the desk and I said, "I'd like a room, please"
They said allright, and they gave me a key Then I turned around, and there waiting for me was the Concierge
Concierge! (repeated many times)
Well he looked at me, then I looked at him, then he looked back at me, and then I took a putty knife and I rubbed it against his cheeks in a very provocative way And he turned around and said, "Follow me"
So I followed him up the stairs I went to my room He opened the door for me, and then he hit me in the back of the head with a big silver shovel I said, "What's that about?"
He said, "You get it free with the room" Who was I to argue?
And I went in My whole room was covered with soap Little soaps, all over the room, everywhere! In the bed, on the ceiling, everywhere! I said, "What's with the soap?"
And he says, "What, you don't like soap?"
I said, "No, I'll take it, thanks"
He left the room, and then gave me a stare that almost turned my blood to blood Anyway, I lay down on the bed, and it was a hot day so I was tossing and turning, and tossing and turning And then the soap started to lather up and lather up! And I was gonna die! I was gonna suffocate! So I called the front desk, and they sent up the Concierge!
Concierge! (repeated many times)
Well he looked at me up and down, and he looked at me like I was four pounds of shit in a two- pound bag And I looked back at him like he was four pounds of shit in a four-pound bag And then he looked at me like I was six pounds of shit in a pound-and-a-half-bag And I looked at him like he was 18 kilograms of shit in a thimble And then I stabbed him in the face And then he bit my head off and put it in a bag And that's when I fell in love with the Concierge
Concierge! (repeated many times)
Now we live in a small beach house on a small beach on Long Island - it's a long, small island, but I love it well And he loves me well And sometimes we take a trip down the highway that's glistening like a Buddhist monk with incense ablaze, and we think of the day we first met - me, and the Concierge
Concierge