Actually, I was never conceived
And I don't expect to be believed,
But I've found my mouth stitched shut with glossy pink thread
And when I think of the lie filled love-life that I've led
I row boats all day with Karl, Vlad, and E Leon
My tongue made of ivory, my teeth are all gone
The bones in my face they weren't here all along
I'm straight and I love your coffee cake!
I found a lost puppy and I took him home
Since then he's agreed to leave me alone
For over a month cuz I'm spelling bee queen
Let me tell you more, you'll see what I mean
I took a sealion by the waist and I twisted it
Then I kiss-ed it It was mossy and chaste
That is funny, isn't it?
Not to tell you would be such a waste
Can't you see me?
I am your long lost best friend
Please believe me
All these things have happened
I went for a ride on the carousel
I was on a yellow horse, right behind the swan
In the swan, a man and a woman they were doing it
I didn't want to look I wished I'd brought a book
I looked down at the chip in my horse's red mane
He had a high, soft, beautiful voice
I got down and ran around, and then I asked him his name
He said out loud, he said it was "First Choice"
Yes Mom, I'm still a virgin
And you are Marilyn Monroe
When I was a little girl, we grew wings and flew under the sea
To see my daddy, Mr Edgar Allen Poe
Oh, I would crawl into the furnace to take a warm nap
On the cast-iron lap of Walt Disney
Then we'd go out for a swim in the Sea of Mercury
I never thanked him for what he did for me
Can't you see me?
I am your long lost best friend
Please believe me
All these things have happened