You've got your Volvo and yor little mortgage
All your things of value all wrapped up in storage
You've got 24 children named Dick and Jane
They look like Ken and Barby and you dress them both the same
You've got a dog named Rover, a cat named Moggy,
You're wife wont let you in the car if it gets a little foggy
I dont wanna be the one to say that you got boring,
But you walk you dog at 6:30am every morning

This is an ode to slimy bassless, a guy who for now who should remain nameless
But you could have been with us, could have been on the trip, yeah
But you traded in your ticket for a pair of carpet slippers

Your in the same job till the day that you retire,
You happy just to sit home, your feet up by the fire
It's OK to spend all of your fridays down the pub,
But you should have drawn the line at joining the caravan club,
You'd Rather stay home and watch TV than come out and socialise with li'l ol' me
I dont wanna be the one to say that you got boring,
But when you start talking people start yawning

This is an ode to slimy bassless, a guy who for now who should remain nameless
But you could have been with us, could have been on the trip, yeah
But you traded in your ticket for a pair of carpet slippers
This is an ode to slimy bassless, a guy who for now who should remain nameless

You wash and clean your car out every single sunday mornign
You still enjoy surprises, you just need alot of warning
You concentrate on golf now to improve your handicap,
You sit down for a harty meal then lie down for a nap
You think you're wifes at bingo but she's here with me instead,
You wouldnt misunderstnad her if you just listened to what she said
I dont wanna be the one to say that you got boring,
But you've lived and work and you probably die in the same town you were born in

This is an ode to slimy bassless, a guy who for now who should remain nameless
But you could have been with us, could have been on the trip, yeah
But you traded in your ticket for a pair of carpet slippers
This is an ode to slimy bassless, a guy who for now who should remain nameless

This is an ode to slimy bassless, a guy who for now who should remain nameless
But you could have been with us, could have been on the trip, yeah
But you traded in your ticket for a pair of carpet slippers
This is an ode to slimy bassless, a guy who for now who should remain nameless