ROD
Aah, an afternoon alone with
My favorite book, "Broadway
Musicals of the 1940s"
No roommate to bother me
How could it get any better than this?
NICKY
Oh,hi Rod!
ROD
Hi Nicky
NICKY
Hey Rod, you'll never
Guess what happened to
Me on the subway this morning
This guy was smiling at me and talking to me
ROD
That's very interesting
NICKY
He was being real friendly,
And I think he was coming on to me
I think he might've thought I was gay!
ROD
Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this?
Why should I care?
I don't care
What did you have for lunch today?
NICKY
Oh, you don't have to get
All defensive about it, Rod
ROD
I'm NOT getting defensive!
What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?
I'm trying to read
NICKY
Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod
I just think it's something we should be able to talk about
ROD
I don't want to talk about it,
Nicky! This conversation is over!!!
NICKY
Yeah, but
ROD
OVER!!!
NICKY
Well, okay, but just so you know —
IF YOU WERE GAY
THAT'D BE OKAY
I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY,
I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY
BECAUSE YOU SEE,
IF IT WERE ME,
I WOULD FEEL FREE
TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY
(BUT I'M NOT GAY)
ROD
Nicky, please!
I am trying to read
What?!
NICKY
IF YOU WERE QUEER
ROD
Ah, Nicky!
NICKY
I'D STILL BE HERE,
ROD
Nicky, I'm trying to read this book
NICKY
YEAR AFTER YEAR
ROD
Nicky!
NICKY
BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR
TO ME,
ROD
Argh!
NICKY
AND I KNOW THAT YOU
ROD
What?
NICKY
WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO,
ROD
I would?
NICKY
IF I TOLD YOU TODAY,
"HEY! GUESS WHAT,
I'M GAY!"
(BUT I'M NOT GAY)
I'M HAPPY
JUST BEING WITH YOU
ROD
High Button Shoes, Pal Joey
NICKY
SO WHAT SHOULD IT
MATTER TO ME
WHAT YOU DO IN BED
WITH GUYS?
ROD
Nicky, that's GROSS!
NICKY
No it's not!
IF YOU WERE GAY
I'D SHOUT HOORAY!
ROD
I am not listening!
NICKY
AND HERE I'D STAY,
ROD
La la la la la!
NICKY
BUT I WOULDN'T GET
IN YOUR WAY
ROD
Aaaah!
NICKY
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME
TO ALWAYS BE
BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY,
TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY,
YOU WERE JUST BORN
THAT WAY,
AND, AS THEY SAY,
IT'S IN YOUR DNA,
YOU'RE GAY!
ROD
BUT I'M NOT GAY!
NICKY
If you were gay
ROD
Argh!