"Hi gang, ah uh, I'm not technically wearing pants right now, but um I'm from beautiful Massachusetts and I uh know what your thinking Massachusetts, gangsta ra...

Let us pray Oh ah please don't feel like you can't participate if your not Christian Cause this is a prayer for all faiths Dear Jesus of Nazareth First of all ...

Art is dead Art is dead Art is dead Art is dead Entertainers like to seem complicated But we're not complicated I can explain it pretty easily Have you ever be...

We live in a binary reality, we do It's a world of black and white There's only two types of people in this world: Those who can finish lists What is art? You ...

Yo Walkin' my poodles, Man it never gets old With dogs on my leash, I got bitches on the hold A first AID's kit? That's a rhesus monkey I bust more nuts than a ...

When I say "Hey!", you say "Ho!" Hey! (Ho! ) Hey! (Ho! ) That's basically how Hitler rose to power My ex-girlfriend, she was a bitch, but you know, they say, l...

Did you know that Jesus died on the cross, Just to keep you from masturbating? Did you know that prior to 1960, He frowned on interatial dating? Well, my name ...

Well I'm the girl for every high school guy Yeah I got everything A little shirt and a skirt so high Every month you can spot a cotton tampon string I'll drop m...

We've been doing a lot of laughing Which is good, uh, for a comedy show on a comedy CD, but what we haven't been doing is a lot of thinking And I'd like to do t...

This songs about how deep I am I'm really fucking deep bro So deep that it's called.. Hashtag Deep Have you ever stopped to watch a bluebird drop from a tree, ...

We've had a hell of a ride I said that it would take us to heaven, Well, I motherfucking lied Now I'm crankin' up this shit to eleven ('leven, 'leven, 'leven) ...

Now I don't know if all boy scouts are gays But they could probably "tie the knot" in like fifty different ways I got a safe full o' cherries, cause I pop it an...

My dog's stomach was very upset, So I put him in the car and we went to the vet And on our way to the vet, I killed a cat Hey I said, isn't that ironic? I adop...

I love you like kings love queens, Like a gay geneticist loves designer jeans, I need you like New Orleans needs a drought, Like Hitler's Father needed to learn...

Men and women Men are like vows, cause they are easily broken Women are like cows, cause they both have vaginas Men are like muzzles ya, cause they will try to ...

My Whole Family lyrics Every time I go to dinner Seems like I'm getting a little bit thinner I'll sit down at the breakfast table I can talk, well they're not ...

I'm a faggot, I'm a retard, I got a girl's bag and a v-card, I got 3 friends and a whack ass ride, You can judge by the cover cuz it's shitty on the inside, No ...

So here's a song that takes something that's not so fun, math, and makes it offensive What's a pirate minus the ship? Just a creative homeless guy, And an ante...

Intro (spoken): I feel like hip hop Used to be a voice for the voiceless, you know? And now it's become, at least in the mainstream, A symbol of misogyny, gay p...

I'm 19 years old, I'm a young comedian I hate that term, "young comedian", you know I prefer "prodigy" And people, they pigeonhole me as a comic You know, which...

This next song is about quantum mechanics (Bangs on piano keys incoherently) This next song...

All the seats at the sunday masses, Filled with the mass's massive asses, Classes pass as fast as molasses Ceremonial reading glasses Read a little bit of levit...

Hey I'm Santa Claus, I'm the king of snow I hate my wife because She is a ho ho ho She used to please me everyday Then she made it clear That Santa's only s'pos...

I love your hair, I love your name, I love the way you say it I love your heart and you're so smart 'cause you gave away it I love your sis, I love your dad, I ...

Sluts, sluts, I fuck sluts. Sluts get fucked when I fuck sluts. No if and's, and or but's. I fuck sluts. I fuck sluts. Nice girls are nice but no good for nut-s...

She was the perfect woman, in every single way, She made the sun shine brighter, and all my cares go away She was the perfect woman, she was a gourmet chef, The...

I wanted to be a physicist when I was younger, and I also wanted to be a comedian, but only one of those worked out, so I'd like to try to do both now in a bit ...

We got a little serious there I think "fisting" should be called "upper-cunting", And we're back Do you guys like impressions? (Yeah) "Why?" That was Socrates ...

Before Youtube I walked through life And now I frollic Youtube has been like a father to me, Except Youtube's not an alcholic Before Youtube I was just a skinny...

My show is a little bit silly and a little bit pretentious Like Shakespeare's willy or Noam Chomsky wearing a strap on, It's also a little bit gay and a little ...

Lyrics I'm a feminine eminem, a slim shady lady But nice cause I texted haiti 90 lady cops on the road and I'm arrested for doing 80 Like hamlet, all about "wor...

I'm a feminine Eminem, a Slim Shady lady But nice cause I texted Haiti 90 lady cops on the road, and I'm arrested for doing 80 Like hamlet, all about words, wor...