Fat as I am
Who wants to see a diva fat as I am?
I get mistaken now for Lainie Kazan
How is it that I'm fat as I am?

Fat as I am
The camera's gonna add a ton to my can
This is the way they say Godzilla began
How did I get as fat as I am?

"Try it again"
All of my friends say I should diet again;
That all my fans are gonna riot again
"Look what happened to Liz"

All of my sins
are not as numerous as all of my chins!
I could audition for the doublemint twins
No one in the biz is as fat as I is

Ah, but what's a career
when you put it next to knockwurst and beer?
They could park a DC10 on my rear
God knows I got the gas!

There goes the chair
But to tell the truth, I'm too fat to care!
I ate a meatball off the floor right over there
Ah, you don't give a damn
when you're fat as I am!