I bet you're wondering how I knew
That Prince Charles and Lady Di were through
Was waiting in line at the grocery store
Took a peek at the dirt about Demi Moore
And it took me by surprise I must say
When I found out the Pope was gay

I read it in the tabloids
Elvis Presley's doing just fine
They put it in the tabloids
Got a look at Fergi's boobs, my my
Honey, honey, yeah

You know JFK didn't really die
They got a picture and he looks all right
And Ross Perot's hanging out with ET
This woman had a kid at a hundred and three

And you could have seen it all for yourself
'Cause it's right there upon the shelf
Oh, I read it in the tabloids
You know Madonna used to be a boy
I saw it in the tabloids
Right next to a cure for hemorrhoids
Honey, honey, yeah