I was sittin' at home just a listenin' to my radio
An' along came a fella who apparently had been on the go
Well he started in a braggin' bout everywhere he'd been
And there isn't any place in this whole world he hasn't seen
You ask me where I've been and I'm a going to tell you Pard
Why I ain't even been outside the gate in my backyard

I ain't been anywhere Joe, ain't been anywhere Joe
I didn't want to go so I guess I'll never know Joe
An old stick in the mud Bud
I ain't been anywhere

I ain't seen London Paris Washington Chicago
Bombay Mandalay Calgary Cashmere
Thailand Ireland Iceland Greenland
Halifax Poland Switzerland Scotland
Liverpool Dry Gulch Tombstone Moscow
Carlsbad Leningrad Stalingrad too bad

I ain't been anywhere Joe, ain't been anywhere Joe
I didn't want to go so I guess I'll never know Joe
An old stick in the mud Bud
I ain't been anywhere

Siam, Amsterdam, Oslo, Rotterdam
Birmingham, Tokyo, Melbourne, Saigon
Trinidad, Hong Kong, Florida, Reykjavik
Copenhagen, Berlin, Congo, Key West
Petersburg, Wallisburg, Cherbourg, Luxemburg
Chalush, Toronto, Cripple Creek, I'm sick

I ain't been anywhere Joe, ain't been anywhere Joe
I didn't want to go so I guess I'll never know Joe
An old stick in the mud Bud
I ain't been anywhere

Kumquat, Limerick, Inverness, Loch Ness
Swansea, Cuanda, Colombia, Gold Coast
Edinburgh, Singapore, Galveston, Okinawa
Blarney, Killarney, Karachi, Pyongyang
Warsaw, Tarancon, Down, Libya
Goose Bay, Labrador, Outer Space, no place

I ain't been anywhere Joe, ain't been anywhere Joe
I didn't want to go so I guess I'll never know Joe
An old stick in the mud Bud
I ain't been anywhere

Ohio, Toledo, Wexford, Frankfurt
Silverton, Norfolk, Alamo Sabula
Brighton, Kiowa, Denmark, Dover
Chalis, Rio, Lima, Philippines
Hebrides, Hawaii, Portland, Cleveland
Leipzig Laramie, Horsehair, nowhere

I ain't been anywhere Joe, ain't been anywhere Joe
I didn't want to go so I guess I'll never know Joe
An old stick in the mud Bud
I ain't been anywhere

Wait a minute Horsehair
Why, doggone it, that's my hometown
So I guess I must'a been there, huh
I ain't been anywhere