I've met someone that makes me feel seasick
Oh what a skill to have
Oh what a skill to have
So many skills that make her distinctive
But they're not mine to have
No they're not mine

Whenever she looks I read the nearest paper
Though I don't care about the soaps
No I don't care about the soaps
Though I'm acting like I'm in an Eastenders episode

If this is a rom-com
Kill the director
If this is a rom-com
Kill the director please

Carrots help us see much better in the dark
Don't talk to girls they'll break your heart
And this is my head, this is my spout
They work together they can figure anything out
And with the angst of a teenage band
Here's another song about a gender I'll never understand
Here's another song about a gender I'll never understand

If this is a rom-com
Kill the director
If this is a rom-com
Kill the director
If this is a rom-com
Kill the director please

This is no Bridget Jones (x5)
This is no Bridget Bridget (x5)

This is no Bridget Bridget Jones