Oh I had a monkey,
Who's name, it was Jim
Only problem was he like to
Drink loads of vodka and gin

Well, it all began at the circus,
When Jim the monkey was but a lad
His trainer gave him a whiskey
And from that day in he was had

Jim drank three pints a day then,
I didn't know where to begin
So I took all of his tonic and water
And chucked away all his gin

Well, from that day forth I saw nothing
(At least for two years and one day)
And then when I opened the front door
I thought that the milkman was gay

Well, I looked down on the ground then,
And saw something by the side of the door
I turned the corner and what did I see
But Jim's small and furry paw

I picked him up, carried him inside
Where I lay him down on the setee
And there sat me and my poor Jimmy,
Him curled up on my knee

We spent the whole evening together
Talking about the good old days
Jim told me of his struggle with drugs
And how he'd turned back to his old ways

And he passed away in my arms then,
On that cold winters night
Poor little chap on vodka and gin
Couldn't keep up the good fight

He is in a better place now,
With monkeys and vodka and gin
In a place they like to call heaven
(In Jim's case a box in a bin)

I spend the long nights by myself now
Where cold and hunger eat away within
Now I've finished the vodka,
I think I'll start on the gin