Life was so peaceful at the laundry,
Life was so calm and serene,
Life was tres gay
Till that unlucky day
I happened to read that magazine!

Why did I read that advertisement,
Where it says, "Since I rumba, Jim thinks I'm sublime!?
Why, oh why Did I ever try
When I didn't have the talent, I didn't have the money,
And teacher did not have the time? Boy!

Arthur Murray Taught me dancin' in a hurry;
I had a week to spare,
He showed me the ground work, The walkin' around work,
And told me take it from there!

Arthur Murray Then advised me not to worry;
It would come out all right!
To my way of thinkin' My dance is stinkin',
I don't know my left from my right!

The people around me can all-sing,
"A-one and a-two and a-three",
But any resemblance to waltzing
Is just coincidental with me!

'Cause Arthur Murray Taught me dancin' in a hurry;
And so I took a chance.
To me it resembles The nine day trembles,
But he guarantees it's a dance!

My tango resembles a two-step,
My rumba makes people turn pale,
My conga goes into a goose-step,
Till the FBI is doggin' my trail!

'Cause Arthur Murray Taught me dancin' in a hurry;
Maybe the stars were wrong,
If I ain't a menace To Ruth St Dennis,
I'll do until one comes along!

Turkey trot
Or gavotte?
Don't know which,
Don't know what.
Jitterbug?
Bunny hug?
Long as you
Cut a rug!

Walk the dog,
Do the frog,
Lindy hop
Till you drop!
Ball the jack
Back to back,
Cheek to cheek
Till you're weak.

You've heard of Pavlova?
Well Jack, move over!
Make way for the queen of the dance!