I'm lying here on your couch feeling lousy
My life's a great big mess
I'm crying here and all you've done
Is perscribe me lots of drugs
I can't stay on your Prozac
Cause it's making me itch
I can't stay on your Zoloft
Cause it's making me twitch
I said I'm sick of all this medicine
So just stuff your little pitch
I found an alternative
Cause yesterday
I turned on the tube
And some bald headed dude
Started telling me what to do
And I swear
I don't need your pills
Just give me some cable
And let me watch Dr Phil
I need Dr Phil
My eyes are glued to the screen as he lectures me
He tells me to get a grip
And all of the other shows they were different
Maybe Dr Phil can help
I can't stand my lifestyle
Cause it's making me fat
I'm afraid to make commitments
Tell me what is up with that
I trying to potty train my kid again
But he's being a little brat
I think I'll write in today
Cause he cares
That I had an affair
And that I'm losing my hair
And that life can be so unfair
And I swear
I don't need your pills
Just give me some cable
And let me watch Dr Phil
I need Dr Phil
He knows
That I'm watching his show
And that my job really blows
And that I like wearing pantyhose
And I swear
I don't need your pills
Just give me some cable
And let me watch Dr Phil
I need Dr Phil
My friends think I'm a mama's boy
But I tend to disagree
I'm still living with my parents
And I'm turning forty-three
I said I need to wash my hands again
Cause I'm feeling OCD
I think I'll write in today
Cause he's the man
With the seven step plan
And I'm his biggest fan
He's my Shady and I'm his Stan
And I swear
I don't need your pills
Just give me some cable
And let me watch Dr Phil
I need Dr Phil
He says
I need to get real
I need to get smart
I need to get going here
And I swear
I don't need your pills
Just give me some cable
And let me watch Dr Phil
I need Dr Phil