You don't look bad now
But you wouldn't mind looking better
Not a young lad now
Y'see more hairs on your sweater
Now don't get mad now
There's a man who's got the answer
Not just a fad now
Poly-fuse hair enhancer

He's sterling!
Sy Sperling
A regular Johnny Hairseed
In the rug club he's a giant
But still remains a client
Now don't you be defiant
Get that weave you need!

'Member what he said man
If you really want to wow her
Need a hairy head man
And not a hairy shower
Get him on the phone man
Every day a little thinner
Need to be shown man
A picture of Yul Brynner

Unfurling
Sy Sperling
A regular Johnny Hairseed
He'll improve your self-esteem
Flush the minoxodil cream
Come join the Hair Club team
Get that weave you need!

riff [Hair today, gone tomorrow]

'see you got your weave now
You're sporting a 90's fashion
And I b'lieve now
You got Baldy's teeth a-gnashin'
Lookin' awful swell now
Got a super-duper smile on
Can't even tell now
That your head is full of nylon

He's sterling!
Sy Sperling
A regular Johnny Hairseed
In the rug club he's a giant
But still remains a client
Now don't you be defiant
Get that weave you need!
Get that weave you need!